Invisible

As I continue to walk this path towards good health, sometimes I am surprised at the little things I learn along the way.  Today was one such example...I was on the hunt for a new pair of pants.  As things are, I have now lost enough inches that a new pair of pants is a must. (An aside: if you must know, if I had my way, I wouldn't buy a single new thing until I have reached my goal weight, but there was no way that I can wear my current (too big) pants out of town this weekend. So I went in search of a pair of pants!)  I went into three separate shops, and in all three shops, I was consummately ignored. Truly - completely looked THROUGH. Like I was invisible.  It irritated me, and here I sit at home, blogging about it...pantless! (Well, not quite...but more on that in a minute)...

What I thought was interesting, though, was that today, I wanted to be seen.  It is rather similar to when I was first engaged to Ron, and I felt like EVERYONE must know...surely, they must see my ring, must see that I am glowing...surely they KNOW my good news!  Or, even when I was pregnant (with all three, but I felt this most keenly with Libby, my first)...surely EVERYONE must know that I'm going to have a BABY! I am surely glowing...granted, my baby is approximately the size of a punctuation point, but surely everyone KNOWS!  Today, I felt as though everyone should be able to tell that I have lost inches off my waist, inches off my tush...couldn't they TELL?!? Surely, it must SHOW!!  Apparently...NOT! 

And then I reflected back to those times, in the not-so-distant past, where I was hoping to be invisible. Hoping that I could just blend in....that no one would see me, no one would notice how big I had gotten.  Maybe if I wore black, or if I wore a deeper hue, maybe if my accessories were *just right*...maybe people wouldn't notice that I was the biggest size I had ever been.  I knew...but maybe no one else would notice.  But people knew...most were too kind to say anything; or were so worried that they wanted to say something, to help in some way, but didn't know the "right way" to say something that would serve to help, to encourage, to motivate, without hurting my feelings... Although I may have wished it, I was never invisible.

In the movie Avatar, one of the main phrases in the Na'vi language is "I see you." It means not just, "I see you," but, "I see into you...I see who you ARE at your very core."  I remember watching this movie with the children and Ron, and when the Na'Vi greeted each other in this way, my eyes filled with tears. It is such an expression of love.  I see you, your whole self, and I love all of it....every single bit. As I was looking up what the proper phrasing was from Avatar, I came across an article that mentioned that the Indian greeting Namaste or Namaskar is of similar meaning.  Ultimately, what it means to exchange this greeting is the acknowledgement of the Spark of the Divine in the other person.  I tear up even as I type it now, because we, as humans, have such an organic longing --need-- to be seen, to be LOVED.  And I am so very blessed to be seen...and to see. 

So, to the sales ladies in the stores today who chose not to wait on me:  That's okay...I came home and pulled out some pants that I have never worn (until today!) because I had bought them a while ago...Four years ago, to be exact!  Ever hopeful that I would "soon" fit into them...well, I do today!!  And the truth is, I don't need for those sales ladies to see me, because I am seen by those who matter...most importantly, by myself!!

And you know what? I see YOU too...