Waxing Poetic on a Salad...

For Easter this year, Ron, the children and I ventured up to the North Carolina mountains to spend the long weekend.  To be completely honest, ever since I started this journey towards better health, I really don't like traveling.  Whether it is because I am leaving my "comfort zone" of my own kitchen, where I know how and with what I am cooking things; or whether it is because I am faced with temptations on a daily basis when I am not in my "comfort zone," travelling has just not been as enjoyable as it used to be. (And don't even get me *started* on road trips...ugh!)

So it was with great delight that I found the PERFECT SALAD on Saturday afternoon.  It was so perfect, I even had Ron take a picture of it!  (See below) And yes, if you're wondering: our fellow diners DID look at me funny - but then again, it may just have been that they were wondering what I had ordered!

Just so we can give credit where credit is due, this is the "Chicken Mandarin Spinach Salad" from Cornucopia in Cashiers, NC...with the addition of avacado, which I requested that they add (shout out to "Dr. Ann," who has encouraged me to add avacado here and there & I finally did!) 

I kid you not: from the perfectly seasoned (not salty!) grilled chicken breast to the succulent mandarin oranges...this salad was divine.  And it was super healthy to boot!  I'm not sure what made me happier: that I was enjoying a perfectly prepared salad, that I knew that it was spectacularly healthy for me, or that I was enjoying it on the porch of one of my favorite restaurants on a perfectly cloudless day with my loved ones...or all three!  Really, what was not to love?

It has definitely been something of an awakening for me, in these past few months (yes: it has been a "few" months...crazy, eh?), to find out that things that I previously would not have touched with a ten-foot-pole (avacado! kale!), are actually some of the things that I enjoy the most.  Case in point: last night, after we had returned home from our North Carolina adventure, I decided to bake some kale.  I did it mostly for me, so I could definitively mark that I had returned home (kale, as we all know, is now a staple of my diet), and signal to my brain and taste buds that we were indeed back on home turf.  So, I prepared two pans, and set them out to go in the oven.  Suddenly, from the kitchen, I hear intense squabbling.  Let's be honest here: I have three children in the 9 to 13 range, so squabbling is not unheard of around here.  What WAS odd and noteworthy is this:  what the children were squabbling about was who got to eat the last bit of kale!! My children were actually fighting over kale!! Ah...that really cracked me up!  You know that you're doing at least one thing right with your children if they're fighting over who gets to eat the last bit of kale!!

It has been fascinating to me to see the gradual change of what I will choose to eat for enjoyment.  Whereas I used to really enjoy eating a cookie or a cupcake, now I find myself looking forward to eating kale, or trying out a new recipe for asparagus...I have had doctors tell me in the past that if you "eat the right things, then you'll stop craving the wrong things," but I have never actually experienced it.  I can tell you for a fact that if you had told me six months ago that I would be eating over 5 servings of fruits & vegetables a day with no difficulties on picking vegetables or worrying about how to fit them in my day, I would have laughed you out of the room!  And yet here I sit, waxing poetic on the perfect salad... Who knew?!

But what these past three months have taught me, more than anything, is that it really is NOT about what you are eating, friends...it is not about finding the perfect salad (no matter how divine), or even about having the willpower to say no to that piece of perfectly fried chicken...what this journey IS about is this:  being in the moment, enjoying the time with the ones you love and savoring  those ordinary moments that in the big scheme of things, are quite extraordinary.  

And that, my friends, is the sweetest, most perfect thing of all!

Invisible

As I continue to walk this path towards good health, sometimes I am surprised at the little things I learn along the way.  Today was one such example...I was on the hunt for a new pair of pants.  As things are, I have now lost enough inches that a new pair of pants is a must. (An aside: if you must know, if I had my way, I wouldn't buy a single new thing until I have reached my goal weight, but there was no way that I can wear my current (too big) pants out of town this weekend. So I went in search of a pair of pants!)  I went into three separate shops, and in all three shops, I was consummately ignored. Truly - completely looked THROUGH. Like I was invisible.  It irritated me, and here I sit at home, blogging about it...pantless! (Well, not quite...but more on that in a minute)...

What I thought was interesting, though, was that today, I wanted to be seen.  It is rather similar to when I was first engaged to Ron, and I felt like EVERYONE must know...surely, they must see my ring, must see that I am glowing...surely they KNOW my good news!  Or, even when I was pregnant (with all three, but I felt this most keenly with Libby, my first)...surely EVERYONE must know that I'm going to have a BABY! I am surely glowing...granted, my baby is approximately the size of a punctuation point, but surely everyone KNOWS!  Today, I felt as though everyone should be able to tell that I have lost inches off my waist, inches off my tush...couldn't they TELL?!? Surely, it must SHOW!!  Apparently...NOT! 

And then I reflected back to those times, in the not-so-distant past, where I was hoping to be invisible. Hoping that I could just blend in....that no one would see me, no one would notice how big I had gotten.  Maybe if I wore black, or if I wore a deeper hue, maybe if my accessories were *just right*...maybe people wouldn't notice that I was the biggest size I had ever been.  I knew...but maybe no one else would notice.  But people knew...most were too kind to say anything; or were so worried that they wanted to say something, to help in some way, but didn't know the "right way" to say something that would serve to help, to encourage, to motivate, without hurting my feelings... Although I may have wished it, I was never invisible.

In the movie Avatar, one of the main phrases in the Na'vi language is "I see you." It means not just, "I see you," but, "I see into you...I see who you ARE at your very core."  I remember watching this movie with the children and Ron, and when the Na'Vi greeted each other in this way, my eyes filled with tears. It is such an expression of love.  I see you, your whole self, and I love all of it....every single bit. As I was looking up what the proper phrasing was from Avatar, I came across an article that mentioned that the Indian greeting Namaste or Namaskar is of similar meaning.  Ultimately, what it means to exchange this greeting is the acknowledgement of the Spark of the Divine in the other person.  I tear up even as I type it now, because we, as humans, have such an organic longing --need-- to be seen, to be LOVED.  And I am so very blessed to be seen...and to see. 

So, to the sales ladies in the stores today who chose not to wait on me:  That's okay...I came home and pulled out some pants that I have never worn (until today!) because I had bought them a while ago...Four years ago, to be exact!  Ever hopeful that I would "soon" fit into them...well, I do today!!  And the truth is, I don't need for those sales ladies to see me, because I am seen by those who matter...most importantly, by myself!!

And you know what? I see YOU too...

Bothered, Bewildered & Bereft

The definition of the word "bereft" as found in the dictionary is the following:
be·reft/biˈreft/Adjective

1. Deprived of or lacking something, esp. a nonmaterial asset: "her room was stark and bereft of color".

2. (of a person) Lonely and abandoned, esp. through someone's death or departure

I know this because on Tuesday, I felt bereft all day long!  I physically ached because I had received some bad news*, and my usual response to something such as this bad news is to go and immediately head out for something sweet.  However, this time: due to the changes that I have chosen to implement into my lifestyle, I could not head out to my favorite cupcake shop and go pick up several goodies that would comfort me.

Of course, as we all know - I would not, in fact, be comforted by said goodies, no matter how pretty or perfectly iced the cupcakes were (and yes, cupcakes was my go-to I'm-so-bummed food), I would no sooner eat a bite than feel terrible for "failing" and comforting myself with food.  But we're talking 25 or so years of comforting myself with food...it's not like a whole lot of thought was going into the process much anymore.  It would kind of go like this:

Sad/mad/angry/ticked off = go to bakery + see pretty baked goods  then I would bring them home and it was really more that I had them in the house than it was actually eating them. 

Anyway, on Tuesday, all I wanted to do all day long was head out to my favorite bakery.  It took every single molecule in my body to not follow that normal route.  However, I did not.  I have absolutely no desire to let one little bit of possible bad news ruin everything that I have worked so hard to achieve for the past 9+ (almost 10!) weeks.  So I walked around all day long...bereft. 

Bereft because I had eliminated my comfort; my go-to, make-me-feel-better-for-a-minute comfort.  The good news is, I have lots of lovely, dear friends (some of them are even family) to support me and remind me that I really DIDN'T want that cupcake/cookie/piece of cake...and they were very patient and supportive all day in reminding me of my goals. (By the way: THANK YOU!)  

Now, the next time I receive some disappointing or unpleasant news, I know that it will be easier to process the information in a positive way.  And I hope, I surely do hope - that I won't feel bereft, because my cookies have "left the building."

What about you? Are you an "emotional eater"? What do you do when you are feeling blue? How do you cheer yourself up or comfort yourself?

*note: I am fortunate - my "bad news" was more unexpected than it was bad...everyone is okay and the moment has passed...everyone is fine & we are all good...no one worry...in my world "bad news" -- that which sends me running for the cakestand --could be that my favorite pair of shorts is in the laundry...

Red Light Foods

Many moons ago, when I went to Weight Watchers meetings in Tallahassee (I think it was 1993...), our Leader talked about "Red Light Foods." These are those foods which, no matter what, you absolutely cannot resist.  For the Leader, his "RLF" was Peanut Buster Parfaits from Dairy Queen. What makes me really remember this is that the Leader had lost over 150 pounds and had maintained it for YEARS; and yet, he still could not be anywhere in the vicinity of a Peanut Buster Parfait, or he would completely cave in and eat not just one, but three!!  And yes, if you're wondering, it made me wonder what a Peanut Buster Parfait tasted like (I have still not had one to this day), but at the same time, I knew that wasn't something I'd ever try, because if this guy who I admired so much, couldn't resist...then I felt quite certain that I would probably crave a Peanut Buster Parfait every single day for the rest of my life, and really - I have enough temptations in my life as it is!!

Last Saturday, Ron and I took the three kids and we went and worked out at our local club.  Afterwards, the girls and I went grocery shopping for the week. As we walked past the deli section of our grocery store, they had just put out new fried chicken.  The smell was intoxicating! Both girls asked if they could get some & have it for lunch, and since I try to be a little more lenient with them on the weekends (I don't want to promote an environment of deprivation), I said "yes," they grabbed a container and we went to check out.  When we got in the car, I made them put the fried chicken in the "far back" of the car - the smell was overwhelming...and I realized that fried chicken is apparently one of my "Red Light Foods," which surprised me, because I'm much more of a sweets-girl than a savory-girl...however, smelling and seeing that chicken made it quite clear: I could not (nor did I want to) be around fried chicken...Once we were home, I made the girls go to the far side of the house to sit and have their chicken...I didn't want it anywhere around me!  I went on to have my regular lunch (I will not bore you with the details...) and was fine.  But it really did serve as a great reminder that although you might be the most disciplined Queen of Willpower that ever existed, you are still going to have "Red Light Foods," and you never know what they might be!

What about you? Do you have anything that you absolutely cannot have in the house, or around you or else you'll just eat it?

Send Out the "Pod Patrol"

When I was a little girl, I used to watch a show called "The Creature Feature" with my Daddy.  Oh, I loved those scary movies! And to this day, I still will stop whenever I hear Vincent Price's voice as a shiver runs down my spine (has anyone EVER had a more chilling voice?!) One of the movies that I loved the most was "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." You know, where the pods from outer space came in and were duplicating humans...of course, you didn't know if it was a "pod person" or the real person until it really mattered...and that was what was so scary about it!  Now, in my little family, when someone is doing something that is completely out of character for them, I'll say to Ron, "Time to call out the "Pod Patrol"..." (get it?!) I had one such incident the other day, but the person we were calling the "Pod Patrol" out for was... ME!!!!

It was last Monday, and it was around 3:15pm. The kids weren't home from school yet, and we actually even had a few minutes before it was time to leave to go and pick them up.  Ron was out & about, and I was enjoying the quiet of the house. Until...I called Ron and told him, "Well, so you don't send out the 'Pod Patrol' for me, I thought I'd call you & tell you what I'm about to do...I'm going to the GYM." This is important because I haven't EVER (nope: NEVER) been to the gym past 11am in the morning; and although there has been the odd foray (key word here being "odd") to the gym at night, that doesn't  really work well with my schedule (trust me: I tried it a couple of weeks ago for a 6pm Zumba class...the next thing I knew: I was cleaning out the kitchen at 3am...I was just a little bit wired!). So the fact that I was heading out to the gym at 3pm was flat-out not normal behavior for me.  But here's the truth:  I really enjoy working out these days.  Honest to goodness...no kidding. 

Now, I know you're either (a) about to call the "Pod Patrol" on me if you're one of those friends that have known me a long time; or (b) thinking I'm pulling your leg...really: how does a person go from never going to the gym or even wanting to THINK about exercise to going to the gym and working out 5 days a week? Well, here's the truth:  I AM going to achieve this goal, and shed this excess weight I've been carrying around with me for the last 25 years...and the ONLY way I'm going to do this is through exercise and eating right.  So, I go. And when I go, I really enjoy it - because then, 45 minutes later, I'm DONE...finished with exercise for the day! And I know that I have done something that is really healthy for me and something that is going to help me to achieve my goal... so, really, no need to send the Patrol out...I'm good!

What about y'all? What changes have YOU made lately that might make your family want to send out the "Pod Patrol" for you?

Savor It!

Every morning, when my son and his fellow 3rd grade classmates enter their classrooms, their teachers greet them at the door to their classroom with this sentiment, "Make the most of today, because today is the ONLY Monday (or Tuesday or Wednesday...you get it...), April 11th, 2011 that you will EVER have."  It is meant to inspire the children to do their best, to put out their best work and to go ahead and raise that hand and offer that answer...because we shall not pass this way again.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Savoring the day. Savoring the moment.  Mostly because I have determined with the changes that I've made in my life lately, I shall NOT pass this way again.  Never again will I be a size -- (nope: not ready to be THAT open here!)...never again will I weigh in the 200's again...I have determined that I am going to "leave this place" where I currently am today...(sidebar: right now that scale is moving down on a daily basis...I do actually realize that this will not happen every day; and I do realize that I shall have to deal with that when it does happen...for now, I'm savoring every bit of this "honeymoon" period!) and I shall not return here.  I believe that through changing my eating habits -- it's called "eating clean" -- and increasing my activity level, I will be able to finally shed this excess weight, and leave it behind me.  I also believe that I will be able to maintain my weight loss once I achieve it. I do not expect that it will be easy, mind you - I actually keep waiting for it to get hard or difficult...it has not...yet...

So, I leave you with this...make the most of today, my friends...because today IS the ONLY Monday, April 11th, 2011 that we will ever have. Ever.  So go out and make it a great one!!!

P.S. This particular April 11th is very special for me, by the way, as my beautiful niece turns 18 years old today...although I can't quite figure out how SHE is 18 years old when I feel like I still am!! Happy birthday to my niece!!!

The Sweet Life

So, as mentioned, a couple of months ago, I had a health scare.  Not to bore anyone with the details, but bottom line is that it actually ended with me in the ER, having a full-on panic attack which caused my blood pressure to sky-rocket. 

Now, with a couple of months' perspective on the incident, I realize that I probably brought the panic attack onto myself because I knew that my eating habits and lack of physical activity were not healthy.  I can also tell you now that although I knew I was not making healthy choices, I also don't think I really knew how to stop making the poor choices and begin making good choices.  I, as so many of us have, have gained and lost hundreds of pounds over the course of my lifetime...and I have to say, I do think it is a shame that it took such a major incident in my life to make me change paths...however, I am so thankful that it did! Because no sooner had I been released from the hospital (they kept me overnight) than I immediately began making healthier choices and I began walking this path to a healthier me.  I am so fortunate to find myself surrounded with wonderful friends and family who shared their knowledge with me on making better choices on food and physical activity...and as the time has progressed, I have very consciously and deliberately continued to build a community of individuals who can support & guide me on this path to optimal health...and who will hopefully stick with me so that I can then maintain said health!

However, here's what I really want to share: as I was laying there, in that ER, I really thought that something was terribly wrong with me...and I couldn't get past the thought that I might  not see my precious babies or Ron ever again...and here's what got me (note: this is my "a-ha moment" in a nutshell)... The only reason that I was laying in that Emergency Room was because of what I had put in my mouth for the past 20+ years...Seriously?! Seriously! And, really: what on earth could or would taste as good as me seeing my precious children grow up and raise families of their own...what on earth could taste as good as me being allowed the privilege of growing old with Ron? And the resounding, undeniable answer:  NOTHING.  Not a darn thing.  And that was it - It was almost like an audible click.  From that minute on, I truly have not had any desire to eat or put anything in my body that is not healthy.  There is no trick to it...and I'm certainly not the Queen of Willpower...far from it! It was just that, for me, in that moment, I had finally found something that mattered more to me than that delicious first bite of a warm, homemade chocolate chip cookie fresh from the oven:  MY FAMILY. 

But, with all that said, I also want to clarify: for the first time in my life, I am NOT losing this weight for my family. Not for my children, my husband or my other family.  I am losing this weight for ME.  For ME, because I want to see my three children grow into the fine, upstanding individuals that I know I am raising.  I want to meet those sweet grand-babies that I just know I'm meant to meet one day...and I want to enjoy this beautiful, sweet life that I have been so blessed with. 

So, here's to the sweet life...and to the things in this life that make it so. 

What about you...what are the sweet things in YOUR life?

And Away We Go...

Well, setting up this blog has definitely taken the better part of today! The good news is that we had our first family-gym-outing (poor L3, he is not old enough to "work out" yet, but he was very patient while the other four of us did!) and then I went and did major grocery shopping this morning...plan was to come home & get some headband orders out, but: the next thing I knew, the day has (mostly) gone and the time was NOT spent on headbands, but on setting up & designing my blog page...I have to say, I'm still not happy with the spacing on my title...but, as Ron pointed out, the whole point of a blog is to get the entries written, not to design the page (I don't really agree with that, but did see *some* sense in that)...

So, here we go:  I am starting this blog for a number of reasons, but here are the top two: to motivate myself and to possibly motivate others.

Here's a little bit of how I came to be where I am right now:  in February of this year, I had a health scare and due to that, I decided to make a (major) lifestlye change.  Since that time, I have modified my eating habits and my increased my physical activity pretty dramatically.  As a result, I have managed to shed some of this excess weight I've been carrying around for the past 25 years or so...As I began this journey towards better health, I have found myself searching for blogs and "success stories" in order to continue to motivate and inspire myself -- for me, it is a great inspiration to read those blogs and stories of individuals who have made the same lifestyle changes and successfully managed to maintain the weight loss and level of health that comes with that.  I guess I want *proof* that it CAN be done, as I -- and so many others! -- have never managed to lose the weight and keep it off.  I am determined to not let that be the case this time! I have found many great blogs, and started thinking that I would like to write one of my own.  I have kept a journal since I was fifteen years old, so the transition to blogging is not such a big stretch.

Anyhow, my thinking is that maybe this blog will not only serve to motivate me (reminding me where I am coming from and where I am going); but might possibly serve as inspiration for someone who finds her/himself in the same boat...I don't expect that this journey is going to be easy, or quick...However, I do expect this journey to be one in which I continually move FORWARD.  I will walk this path towards "optimal health," however long it takes to get there!  I hope that (whoever you are) you'll join me...I love company and I always welcome a friend on a journey such as this...

So....here we GO!

My very first blog entry!!!

Wow...after several weeks of actually toying with this idea (and attempting to come up with a suitably catchy title!), I am finally posting my very FIRST blog entry! The first, I hope, of many...I have tons to say and not very much time to say it right now (I have three monkeys that want to go to the gym), but I did want to post this very first blog entry before we head out...Look for more this afternoon!