Lost & Found

Today is a very important day for me, did you know that? Yes, indeed!! Today marks my one year anniversary that I decided to change my life and make my way towards better health.  I am happy to report that in the last year, I have made significant changes in my food choices, my activity level, and in attempting to live my life with the idea of a mind-body-spirit connection.  I practice what is called “mindful eating” (meaning I do not put anything in my mouth unless I am fully aware of the choice that I am making) and I actually CRAVE exercise when I don’t do it.  For that reason, I try to exercise 3 to 5 times a week, and although I STILL struggle with making myself a priority (but I’m better than I was a year ago!), I know for a fact that I am living a healthier lifestyle (with room for improvement…as always!)

Looking back on it now, (and for those of you who have followed this blog from the beginning, forgive me if I’m being repetitive, but it bears repeating!), I do not think that I would have changed my ways had I not been “scared straight.” Growing up as an overweight child and later an overweight adult, I knew full well the right foods to eat, the right exercises to do, the right things to say…but I wasn’t doing any of them.  Quite frankly, I was making TERRIBLE choices in my care of myself, and I knew it, full well. I also was just no longer motivated to take the time to make the changes I knew I needed to make. Whether this was because of so many efforts at losing weight only to gain it back…A temporary change of a few weeks that would soon result in my regressing to those terrible habits…and then, before you knew it, I not only had 50 pounds to lose, I had 70…and then 80…and then, on February 5, 2011, 100 pounds of excess weight I had been carrying around.  I knew that I was killing myself, and yet, I couldn’t quite seem to take the time to make myself stop making the wrong choices.  Ironic, I often thought, considering that the “choices” lecture is a common one in my house with the children, and yet I continued to make poor choices, reap negative consequences, and had no intention of changing my ways.

And so it was on the night of February 4^th  that I entered into the Hospital fully convinced that I was not going to be seeing my children again. Wouldn’t see weddings, grand-babies, or experience any of the sweet things that life had yet to offer.  And, quite frankly, that was it, my “A-Ha Moment.”  As I lay in that hospital bed, wondering if I would ever see my children (or my parents, or my sisters) again, and I had interns swarming in and out asking me my medical history, and then kind of pursing their lips when they informed me that I was pre-diabetic, hypertensive and overweight (and the implied but never said, “hey, lady…what did you expect?!”)… I realized:  I was laying there as a result of WHAT I HAD PUT IN MY MOUTH.  What I had CHOSEN to put into my body.  Oh. My. God.  I had done this.  Me.

And that was it, friends, the “lightning bolt” moment – whatever you want to call it – but that was IT.   I could not believe that I had gambled so carelessly with the most precious gift of all. Not my beloved husband.  Not my precious children. But ME. I had gambled with MY precious life.  And I promised God and myself that if I walked out of that hospital alive, I would NEVER take it for granted again. And I am happy to report that I have not.

This is not to say that over Christmas that I didn’t “fudge” a little…of course I did! And it’s not to say that I am now Jack LaLanne’s protégé…truth is: I love my cardio, but just like everyone else, there are days when I just don’t feel like it.  But all I have to do is go back to that moment in the hospital, and I am reminded that I AM PRECIOUS TO ME.  I am just as deserving of my care and love as any one of my children, husband, family or friends.  I MATTER. I am worth it.

So, here I sit, on February 5, 2012.  I have lost several inches from all over my body, I have released several excess pounds (although this is a goal I still have a ways to go on), and my doctor is beyond pleased with the improvements I have made in my health.  I still have a ways to go on this journey, but here’s the truth, friends:  It IS the journey that makes it all worthwhile.  I know for a fact I will eventually reach my goal weight, and my health goals will be realized as well. I have known from the start that this time I will succeed.  But I have realized something along the way that is far more precious even than those pounds that have been “lost”…I realized that I had lost my way, and I needed to find it again.  Remember that moment months ago, during that Spin Class in North Carolina? I was in the class and the other members of the class started to sing “Amazing Grace”? Well…I realized why that was such a profound moment in my life…it’s because I had lost my way, and then by His Grace, I was found.  And every day since, I am aware of what a gift this life is, and for it, I am so, so grateful.

Chasing Squirrels

This morning on my walk, I met the cutest little Lhasa-Apso out with his owner for a morning walk. It was pretty early (7:30am) and there really was no one out on the river on this blustery day. This little dog just thought he was  *it*, though...and he was so cute!! We stopped, and I petted him...He continued on his way with his owner. I was listening to some new music I have recently added to my Ipod Workout Mix, and just really enjoying the fact that no one was around!!

A short while later, I came across the Lhasa-Apso and his owner again, this time sneaking some clementines (I think) from a tree on property...I pretended like I didn't see the owner covertly sliding the clementines in his pocket - Frankly, they are a favorite of mine too, and if I weren't such a chicken (OK: and if I had pockets!) I probably would have filched a few too! Again, though, what drew my notice was not the owner and his activities, but the dog and his happy grin as he waited for his owner to get a move on.

A few minutes later, the dog and his owner disappeared from sight, and I continued on my walk...The sun was starting to come out a little bit more, and the chill in the air was lifting. I rounded the corner, and suddenly, this flash of blonde dashed across my path!! I laughed, because it totally snapped me out of my own head...it was the Lhasa-Apso...I guess he figured his owner got to pick a few things he liked (clementines), so it was turn (apparently, squirrels are his delicacy of choice!)! It was delightful and inspiring to see this dog dash as he went to go chase the squirrel...complete abandon in the moment, in the joy of chasing that squirrel.

Today, my wish for everyone is that you can pursue what you like with such joyful abandon. I hope it's not squirrels, but if it is...I sure hope you catch a few!

'Tis the Season....

 

Eggnog. Poundcake. Kringles. Sugaree's Coconut Cake. Latkes. My mother's "Black Beast." Sausage Balls. Seven Layer Bars. Mint Brownies. Peppermint Ice Cream Pie with Hot Fudge Sauce.

These, my friends, are just a few of the delicious goodies that usually make their way into my home during the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. And, usually, they are eaten in short form and with much delight by myself and the other members of my little family.

Think about it, folks...the holidays really are that time of year when you let yourself go - things that you don't normally indulge in, whether it is food treats, alcohol, shopping...we actually let in and really enjoy! Or do we? After you eat that yummy sausage ball washed down by that egg nog, how do you REALLY feel? For me, although it usually looked and smelled delicious and tasted sublime going down, it was almost always immediately followed by my fervent wish that I had had more willpower and had not eaten/drunk that...

This year, of course, things are going to be a little different.  We (graciously, I hope!) let the dear family and friends that normally send the goodies to us know that we will not be partaking this year, and asked them not to send the goodies to us.  As I made the request, it did cross my mind that maybe the children will be disappointed not to have Kringle on Christmas morning...and I know for a fact that my eldest daughter is a fiend for pound cake.  But I have learned the hard way that these yummy morsels really do represent a "moment on the lips, forever on the hips."  And, quite frankly: we have worked WAY too hard this year in changing our eating habits and lifestyle choices to be set back by indulging in some goodies that, while ephemerally yummy, will only result in us having to work that much harder to get back on track.

The truth is, this time of year is so hectic and fun-filled,  I really am not sure that I would be able to resist that yummy plate of Seven Layer Bars sitting on the counter.  I have found that, for me, it is too easy to allow myself to go too long between meals at this time of year, and when I do that, I find that it is very easy to reach for whatever is on the counter without thinking about it too terribly much.  So I have amped up my efforts to "stock my pantry for success" (and my counter!!)  and I can assure you: chocolate covered oreos are NOT part of that equation!

So, this year, my family will be gnoshing on edamame, almonds,  and there will probably be plenty of dark chocolate to be found around my house, as well.  We are going to put the focus on being together, on creating memories, and on celebrating the fact that we are making better, healthier, more fulfilling choices.  I'm quite certain that the children will sneak a few handfuls of candy while we're making our gingerbread houses, and there is no doubt that the holiday parties at school will be highly anticipated as much for the goodies on the table as for the feelings of good cheer...

But, you know what? My bet is that in the end, long after the last sip of holiday punch is drunk and the last morsel of the holiday cupcakes are gone, the memories of family, tradition and evenings spent enjoying the glow of our Christmas tree will nourish my children for years to come in ways that holiday goodies never will.

And that, my friends, is the WHOLE point.

Thanksgiving

OK...I have something to confess...are you ready?

For weeks, I had been DREADING the Thanksgiving holiday.  I'm not really sure why, because it is my most favorite holiday (hands down: I can assure you, if I did not have children, I would not even acknowledge Valentine's Day...I think it is a completely pointless holiday...and I could go on and on about it...but that is NOT my point!)  Thanksgiving Day has been my favorite holiday for a long time for a lot of reasons, but in recent years, it probably has more to do with the fact that it is one of two times in the year that my entire family gets together.  And for us, Thanksgiving is a major family reunion.  Both of my sisters and their families come and we all gather together to have a good time and make some memories. Of course, food is and always has been a major player in this family reunion, and I knew that this year would prove no exception. We have the all-time classics that come from my mother's-mother's-mother (that my sister now makes!) and then we have the more recent additions of mint brownies that my children start talking about weeks in advance!!

For me, this year was different, because I have worked really hard in the past few months to view food merely as fuel for my body, and not really as something that you adore or think about weeks in advance (this doesn't mean I don't still have my favorites, or even things I cannot say "no" to...I imagine I always will).  But, for this reason, I was probably more anxious than usual going to my parent's house for Thanksgiving, reminding myself that it is one meal on one day, and not really anything to be afraid of...still, I was stressed (and, yes, I know that "stressed" backwards is "desserts"...)

I "packed for success" for the weekend, taking raw almonds, frozen edamame, and several containers of Greek yogurt. I also had a nice stash of dark chocolate -- just in case! I knew that the key -- for me -- was in not allowing myself to feel deprived (hey, look - she's eating that entire bag of chips...mmmm, this raw almond is deee-lish!), and that meant making sure that I took in plenty of protein so I didn't get hungry.  If I had gone over the three hour mark and I hadn't had protein, then those mint brownies might very well have been in big trouble (and MIA!)

The truth is, when push came to shove, being surrounded by all of those delicious options was not nearly as challenging as I thought it would be.  I will say that I think that everything smelled and looked better than I ever imagined that it had before (maybe because I knew I would not be partaking?)...and I probably had a piece of two more of turkey skin (we fry our turkey) than I had planned (soooo worth it!), but in the end, it really *was* the company of my family and our friends that made the holiday. 

There's no denying that every single dish presented on that table was prepared to perfection, without a doubt. (Both of my sisters, my mother and another dear friend that was present are all excellent cooks).  But you know what was even more delicious? Hearing what each of my children's "best day since last Thanksgiving" had been.

The truth is this, folks:  the memories of the time spent together on Thanksgiving Day will last a heck of a lot longer than any mint brownie or key lime pie ever would have, and are even more delicious to me because I actually managed to make it through the holiday still on my program (no "fudges"...even the dark chocolate was barely touched AND I have finally managed to get back on track with my cardio (more on this later...I made an important discovery -- for myelf -- that I hope may help someone else out there who is attempting to live life more healthfully...) As a matter of fact, of the three days we were out of town, I walked a minimum of 45 minutes each day!! Woo Hoo!! And today, right after we pulled into town (those bags can wait to be unpacked, right?!) I even went and continued my cardio streak by going to the gym and working out for 45 minutes there...It wasn't quite the same (something about walking outside on those cloudless, blue-skyed days really called to me), but you know what? The calorie burn WAS!!!

Ultimately, I know now that I should not have been worried about Thanksgiving.  I was surrounded by people who love me and who have been so supportive on my journey to better health. With them around, how could I fail? I could not! And that, my friends, was the sweetest bit of all!!

Let's Talk Turkey

Well, it's that time of year again...I can hardly believe it...Thanksgiving!! My family-at-large gathers together to celebrate the Thanksgiving Holiday, and the calls back and forth to determine who will bring what (one sister in particular who is an awesome cook shoulders the majority of the cooking responsibility...this year in particular, I am more grateful for that on so many levels...Thank you, sister!) have already begun.  And with all of that, of course, has come the realization that after months of existing in this lovely non-holiday time frame...well: the holidays are upon us! 

Holidays are such a two-edged sword, aren't they? I don't know about you, but for me, it seems to involve a LOT of running around and then a LOT of savoring - both of the memories we're making, and, quite frankly, the food I'm eating!  It all begins with the Thanksgiving weekend, thinking of the perfect gift for this or that person; going out and finding said gift (thank goodness for online shopping!) and then making sure that said gift is in the right place at the right time.  When I am not running around, it used to be that I would be enjoying the various treats of the season.  Beginning with the Thanksgiving holiday and key lime & pumpkin pies, mint brownies, fried turkeys, delicious stuffing and other goodies...moving into yummy goodies that dear friends and family would send us to celebrate the season, from home-made sugar cookies, gingerbread houses, to chocolate covered oreos (OK: I actually sent out the chocolate covered oreos as gifts last year, but I couldn't very well send out something as a gift that I hadn't tried myself, could I?! So I ordered some for us as well...and they were a DELICIOUS gift!)...and let's not forget the home-made egg nog!  

This year, it will be different, and I don't think I had quite realized HOW different it was going to be until the other day, when talk in our family turned to who was going to be bringing what or who wanted what to eat over the upcoming holiday.  It came upon me suddenly, and surprised me quite thoroughly.  The day of the year that is my MOST favorite day of the year has lost a critical component for me: THE FOOD.  Don't get me wrong:  I fully intend on having a bite of the cornbread dressing that has been a part of our family's Thanksgiving tradition for decades; and I fully intend on having a slice or two of the fried turkey...and I will savor every single morsel!! I might even have a beautifully toasted mini-marshmellow stolen off the top of the sweet potato casserole that my sister makes.  But the truth is, the food doesn't MEAN the same to me anymore. I will enjoy my Thanksgiving meal (I'm quite sure of it!), but then, I will go back to my Greek yogurt the following morning and resume my regularly scheduled program!  For me, it is JUST A MEAL. 

For those of you who have and have maintained healthy eating habits for all of your life, maybe this won't make sense...but it used to be that I would think about the components that make up our Thanksgiving meal for weeks ahead of time...looking forward to that delicious zing of a mint brownie, or the salty goodness that is the skin of the fried turkey!  This year, the deliciousness that is Thanksgiving will be found in other places for me:  a young niece that gives an unexpected hug; a nephew who pauses to show me the rock he's found; an older niece that sits to have a conversation about her life and what's going on with her; time with a sister who I don't get to see very often; sharing a private joke with another sister who I do see often; seeing my parents interact with my children and all of their grandchildren, spending time with family friends who I wish I could see more of; watching my children soak up the time with their cousins, grandparents and aunts and uncles; marveling at how much what was once a little family of five has grown; and, ultimately, basking in that glow that comes when you know you are in the right place, with the right people, and savoring every minute, because it is the ONLY Thanksgiving 2011 we shall have...there other years, other times together, other jokes...but we shall not pass this way again...

Oh, so much sweeter than any dessert could ever be!!

Back in the Saddle...

Well, hello there!!! It has been a while since I've blogged, and I have missed you all!! Things are good around here...the same old, same old, basically. Children are all now firmly back in their school schedules (although I am still pining for the laid back days of summer, the children have adapted, and that is a good thing...I am fine pining in silence!) and we have all moved into the busier days of Fall.

For me, the crazy days present a bit of a challenge, as I find myself pulled in a variety of directions -- The roles I fill are Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Assistant and Business Owner, to name but a few.  Unfortunately for me -- as far as balancing roles goes -- as you know, earlier this year, I decided to add yet another role, and that was Woman Who Exercises and Eats in a Purposeful and Mindful Manner (or "Healthy Woman" (HW) as I like to call her.) Anyway, for the majority of the Spring & Summer, "HW" really ran the place.  My focus was on exercise, on eating mindfully, and that worked, because the pressure of school and children's activities was a little lessened in the loose days of Summer.  Of course, with the arrival of Fall comes the arrival of the more hectic days, and for the past month or so, ol' "HW" kind of took a back seat.  Business Owner ruled the roost, yielding only to Mother & Wife when she had to.  "HW" was nowhere to be found.  Now, I will tell you: my eating habits never suffered.  I am very proud of the fact that I have been able to maintain the healthy food choices that I implemented in February, and they have served me well. No, what went out the window was EXERCISE.  Don't get me wrong:  I don't think that I sat down for any continuous amount of time (with the exception of when I was sitting at my desk working in the office)...

And the truth is, I really thought that taking a mini-break from my exercise routine (I was working out 5 days a week...2 days with a Personal Trainer (or "Beast Master" as she likes to be called) and then 3 days Spinning) would be no big deal. I thought I could leave it for a few weeks, and then when things settled down, just waltz back in and pick up where I left off.  BOY! Did I ever learn (and not the easy way....WHY can't we ever learn things the EASY way?!) that this was most certainly NOT THE CASE!!!

This morning, I decided that I had to get things back in balance.  Oddly enough (and no, I never thought I'd be uttering these words, much less publishing them for the world to see), I really missed working out.  So, I put on my Spinning shoes and made my way to the gym for a Spinning Class. And promptly had my butt handed to me!! I was huffing & puffing...maybe even more so than I did in my VERY FIRST Spin Class!!! I did, however, make it through the class.  I must have had a surprised look on my face, though, because afterwards, as I was talking to the instructor, we talked about my performance in class.  And here is a lesson I won't ever forget:  when you take off 2 weeks (just 2 weeks!) from your regular exercise routine, you lose a minimum of 10% of your overall fitness level, depending on how fit you were before you took your break.

For me, since I have only been exercising regularly since July, today felt like I had never taken a Spinning class before!  When I got home, I must have looked a fright, because Ron asked me how my class had gone...I mentioned to him what I had learned and that I didn't know that just by taking three weeks off you'd "fall out of shape," but his reply was, "Well, Rebecca, anytime we've taken three weeks off, we've never gone back, so how WOULD we know?!"  Of course, this is NOT acceptable to me!! I am in this for the long-haul, baby! So, I have now taken steps to ensure that NO BREAKS of more than a couple of days (I am not going to turn down a weekend trip to Aspen, ya know!) will happen again.  I have no desire to have to crawl back up the steep mountain...I actually had really been enjoying the view from about mid-way, with the top sort of visible in the haze...and me making my way to the tippy-top!

So, it's back in the saddle (in this case, literally!) for  me... what about you? Have you been on a break recently? Is it time for you to get back in the saddle too? I am assured that it should not take as long for me to get back in the groove and have my fitness level back to where it was 3 weeks ago...but, I have to admit: patience is definitely not a virtue I'm known for...so I'm ready to go NOW!!!  Wish me luck...

Oh, and if anyone has a cloning machine they'd like to lend me, give me a holler, would you??

Answer the Call

You know, lately, I have been getting a lot of comments about how good I look (thank you: I FEEL even better!); how proud people are of me (thank you: I am even more proud of myself!); and that people have made changes in their lives to become more healthy because they were inspired by the journey that I have been on for the past six (can you believe it's almost seven?!) months.  For the record: this is my FAVORITE comment -- the whole point of walking this walk in front of everyone has been in the hopes that I could perhaps spare someone the walk if they can make the changes NOW and not wait, like I did...

I have already written about how much it means to me to be someone's inspiration -- truly -- it is the best possible kind of cycle: I do what I do, I inspire you, and then in turn, my inspiring you inspires me...if ever I'm looking for motivation, I really don't have to look much further than that -- so, please accept my sincere THANKS!!!

Things lately have been going really well! Although I still long for the Spin classes of North Carolina (and I am already plotting my return next Spring...I will work it out! I will work it out!), I have found a lovely home here at a local gym...you know, the kind where "everybody knows your name."  I can't tell you how much it means to me to walk in the front, and they know me; and walk in the back, and they know me...I have become friends with several of the instructors, and they have also been a huge motivator for me.  Their belief that I will accomplish my health and fitness goals spurs me to new heights of accomplishment.  I can assure you -- never in my wildest dreams did I ever think (not even as recently as 4 months ago!) that I would hop out of bed at 6:15am, strap on my heart rate monitor and head out the door to go work with a personal trainer.  NOPE! I can honestly say this was not anything I EVER thought would be something I would DO...much less ENJOY!!! But it is one of the highlights of my day.

I think about this a lot, because I know now that if I had added physical activity (whether it be my beloved Spinning, Zumba or working with a trainer...or even just getting on the elliptical machine) into my regular schedule years ago, I would probably not have as tough of a path as I do right now...

And so, friends, this is the message of this blog today:  GET OUT AND MOVE!!! It doesn't really matter what you do...and to be honest, at first: you may not like it...but if you still don't like it after a few times, find another activity.  Trust me, you will find something that you like. I will tell you:  I ADORE my personal trainer (truly, LOVE her...often, she is the reason I hop out of bed...as much as I know that dang adductor machine is my friend...I still don't LOVE it!), but the work that she makes me do -- well, friends: it ain't fun!  But it is the work that I do in order to do what I DO love, and that is SPINNING (no, friends that know me and know of my obsession: I will not go into a whole thing here on how much I love spinning...I'll save that for when we're having lunch and you can't escape!).  But, again: this is not anything that I ever thought (never, ever) that I would try and then fall head over heels in love with...

Frankly, I was so intimidated by all of the skinny people that Spin, that I don't think I would ever have tried it, had it not been for my dear friend Lynette!!  But try it I did, and hooked I immediately was!!!  To date, I actually love spinning so much that I actually feel like I am "cheating" by doing it (and, oh yeah, that is the BEST kind of exercise! The kind you love so much you actually feel "naughty" that you're doing it!)...and I have been known to work various elements of my life (work, exercise, kids) around just in order to be able to make it to a Spin class...it's that kind of love.

I wish that I had known years ago that there was an activity out there for me that would call to me the way that my Spinning does...I think that had I known this, I would have incorporated it into my life then & there...

So I urge you, friends:  find what calls to you...and then, ANSWER THE CALL!!!